Having a parent who lacks emotional maturity can have a lasting negative impact on your life. Such parents struggle to regulate their own emotions, be supportive, or nurture their children properly, often interacting like children. While every situation is unique, here are 17 signs that you may have a parent who is seriously lacking in ‘grown-up’ interpersonal skills!
They Prioritize Their Own Needs
HealthShots states that emotionally immature parents view their children as extensions of themselves rather than separate individuals with their own needs and goals. They often make decisions based on their own desires alone and neglect to respect or even consider how these choices impact others around them, including their offspring.
They Never Apologize
Being able to admit when you’re wrong and taking responsibility for your actions are traits that come with age, yet emotionally immature parents lack these abilities. Psych Central writes that such parents rarely acknowledge their mistakes and typically deflect the blame onto other people, such as their children.
They’re Overly Critical
Like children, immature parents can be overly harsh and brutally honest, often failing to offer constructive criticism or positive suggestions. Anyone with a guardian who is overly critical and judgemental can grow up feeling insecure, inadequate, and anxious, with low self-confidence and self-esteem.
They Have Tantrums
Emotional, irrational outbursts are a hallmark of an emotionally immature parent. Bustle claims, “They’ll always act out most violently if they don’t get their own way or if their preferences have to come last.” Sudden bouts of rage, jealousy, or sobbing indicate that these parents can’t control their emotions, just like a toddler having a tantrum.
They Lack Empathy
Parents with poor emotional maturity often have difficulty seeing things from another perspective or understanding the emotions of others. Because their own feelings are paramount and they can’t put themselves in another person’s shoes, they frequently dismiss your feelings as unimportant, overdramatic, or inconvenient.
They Need Emotional Support
Once children become adults, healthy parent-child relationships often involve reciprocal support. However, emotionally immature parents push this to the extreme and often reverse these roles, being emotionally needy, dependent, and unable to cope with strong emotions or negative life experiences. They often play the role of ‘the child’ in any situation.
They’re Manipulative
To get their needs met, emotionally immature parents may resort to manipulation tactics like guilt trips, emotional blackmail, or playing the victim. Woven Trauma Therapy says this is common in parent/child relationships with unbalanced maturity levels, leading to children feeling obligated or coerced into doing things, even against their own wishes.
They Never Compromise
Healthy adult relationships involve respectful communication and a willingness to compromise, especially on trivial matters. Unfortunately, immature parents tend to be rigid and inflexible, refusing to acknowledge the needs or opinions of others or consider alternative solutions. It’s either their way or the highway!
They’re Overly Competitive
A mature parent understands their role in teaching and encouraging their child and celebrating their achievements, and rarely competes against them seriously. Conversely, childish parents view their offspring’s success as a threat and often take the opportunity to diminish their accomplishments or showcase their own superior talents.
They Blame Others
As with children, emotionally immature adults rarely take responsibility for their own actions and constantly point the finger at others instead, often using lies or manipulation to avoid culpability. Living with them can be stressful and frustrating, as other family members become scapegoats for their bad behavior, failures, or poor decisions.
They’re Controlling
Emotionally immature parents don’t trust their children’s judgment and often restrict their freedom, particularly if it benefits them (e.g., preventing you from visiting a friend so you can do chores). Inappropriately excessive rules and restrictions on their children’s behavior are common traits that can restrict independence and confidence.
They’re Unpredictable
Moodiness is a common trait of emotionally retarded parents, and their behavior tends to be unpredictable and erratic. Living with them can be stressful and anxiety-inducing because it’s hard to know how to interact. Often, it’s difficult to gauge the best response due to their highly volatile emotional state.
They Put Their Relationships First
While every parent deserves their own romantic bonds and friendships, one who consistently prioritizes such relationships above their parental duties and children’s happiness may be emotionally immature. A responsible parent always prioritizes a child’s legitimate needs over other social commitments.
They Criticize Themselves
A lack of maturity often means a lack of self-confidence and self-esteem. Parents who lack emotional maturity criticize themselves a lot, much like a self-conscious teenager! Whether they’re fishing for compliments or seeking validation, it creates an unpleasantly negative atmosphere for their children.
They Ignore Boundaries
Well Beings Counselling asserts that immature parents often cross healthy boundaries that their children set. Because they are self-centered, they frequently ignore the personal limits of their children and become upset, angry, or accusative if this breach of respect has consequences, like the child withdrawing contact or denying help.
They Hold Grudges
Being able to forgive and forget takes a certain amount of maturity, so emotionally stunted parents frequently take offense easily and hold onto grudges long-term, often playing the victim and trying to incite pity. This means they consistently focus on how others have ‘wronged’ them and rarely consider their own negative actions or poor behavior.
They Lack Self-Awareness
If you have an emotionally immature parent, it can often feel like you’re speaking to a brick wall! Even when presented with evidence, such parents fail to see the pattern of their own behavior and never use their mistakes as a learning tool for personal growth. They often struggle to accept, or even to notice, how their actions impact others.